We often need to lose sight of our priorities in order to see them.
~ John Irving
Around these parts, perspective tends to get pretty skewed on a too-regular basis. It's dangerously easy to forget how lucky we are, how incredibly blessed we've been, and how we continue to rise on an upward slope when it comes to maintaining an above-average level of happiness. Every now and then, I have to stop and think...and then stop again, cause damn. Shit is pretty good. I'm irrational at times, and guilty of having pity parties on some days (cue the violins while I pout at how much time my hard-working, income earning provider of a husband spends at the office). In the presence of strain or stress, I have a fight or flight mentality....I stick my head in the sand, or I come out of my corner swinging. There is no rhyme or reason.
In the event I am feeling sorry for myself due to something completely inconsequential and insignificant, I try to stop it at the source, and subsequently wind up strapped with a massive level of guilt. The guilt takes over my brain once I remind myself of all the cliches along the lines of "things could be much worse" and "some people would consider themselves blessed to have these so-called issues" and results in a pretty vicious cycle. I tend to go into overdrive after said guilt enters the equation, getting sappy and emotional with anyone in my direct path. I'm a tornado during these times, wreaking havoc and upsetting the landscape with my destructive desire to appreciate the shit out of every little thing.
It's all too true that marriage, and parenthood, and just life in general are not things to be taken lightly and in order to preserve some semblance of normality, we must make conscious efforts to avoid taking things for granted. It's important to pay homage to the people that make us and break us, and to allow them and provide them the appropriate level of control and entrance into our worlds. It's crucial to remember what brought us here, what made us who we are and what we want to continue to be as we navigate through the maze.
It is in the simplest of moments that I find an almost paralyzing peace...catching Merrill concentrating on a tiny task she is trying to master, finding hysterical laughter in an inside joke that no one but Ray and myself understand, knowing that there are a select few who have seen me at my worst and continue to support and embrace me. No matter what. Not a bad place to be, if you can find your way there.